Yorba Linda therapist Sherry Helgoe has been working in the real estate /short sale industry since 2006 educating agents, brokers and real estate teams on how to meet the challenges facing distressed borrowers during the short sale process. She is a professor at Pepperdine University?s Irvine campus teaching master level students how to work with therapy clients for the first time and has worked in the field of psychology since 1995. We asked her to tell us what the families of delinquent borrowers go through as they face the loss of their home ?
Us: We?ve read that losing one?s home is one of the most stressful things one can go through, up there with death and divorce. How bad is it?
Sherry: Losing your home is unbelievably stressful because there are so many layers of emotion and grief that are felt and experienced by the homeowners and their families.
One of the tools I like to use to show the distressed borrowers is the Holmes and Rahe Stress Inventory. This stress scale has a list of common stressors and provides a numerical measure of stresses? impact on their lives.
A typical distressed borrower goes through a number of stressful scenarios, ranging from getting laid off from work to a change in financial state, change in living conditions, loss of their home and a change in residence.
Each event is assigned a number, and if you add them up, the total is 186. Anything over 150 is considered ?stressed out.?
Us: Which type of distressed sales is hardest on delinquent borrowers?
Sherry: Of all of the decisions that need to be made, the most devastating decision is to let the home go into a foreclosure because the timing of the move out date is not known by the distressed borrower or their family. Last year, I knew of a family on their way to a graduation ceremony and the eviction occurred as they were leaving for the ceremony.
Us: What are the effects on a delinquent borrower and on the family?
Sherry: It impacts the marriage, and it is having devastating results for elementary school kids, junior high kids, teenagers in high school and young adults who live with their parents and are in junior college/college.
One of the issues that I have not seen discussed by anyone is the effect is it having on the junior college/college young adult who live at home because moving out-of-state removes their ability to get low-cost tuition due to residency requirements and living on their own is not financially feasible.
Us: What are the symptoms and effects of this kind of stress?
Sherry: This increased stress has been very difficult for married couples, domestic partners and adults living together. I have seen increases in depression, anxiety, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, marital discord and divorce. Communication becomes so strained and talking about loss, grief and financial problems are very difficult for couples under extreme financial stress and impending loss.
The effects of stress on children vary depending on the child?s developmental stage, temperament, ability to cope.
Toddlers and pre-schoolers suffer an increased fear of either being alone or without their parent, withdrawn behaviors, increased crying. Elementary school age children may withdraw and not want to attend school or be with friends, and may experience headaches and/or stomachaches, difficulty sleeping, a loss of concentration and changes in eating habits.
Tweens and adolescents may suffer decreased self-esteem, droopy body language, isolation, acting irresponsibly, longer periods of anger, increased distrust, depression and anxiety.
The big challenge here is that parents are experiencing their own stress and the ?stressed out? behaviors from their children will increase their stress level. People need to be aware that this is how each age group responds to stress and that when the family stress decreases, so will these behaviors.
Us: What are the stages a delinquent borrower goes through?
Sherry: People go through a ?Cycle of Distress,? or? a series of events that occur as the borrower goes through various stages of the default process.
The problem with getting into the ?Cycle of Distress? is that once they go around the wheel once, it starts all over again at the top when they receive the next letter from the bank demanding a payment.
People go through everything from denial to experiencing a ?lack of control? because they can no longer afford their monthly payment. Lack of control may look like they are edgy, uneasy, nervous, scared, tense, anxious, fearful, and/or frightened.
Then, they go through a period of uncertainty, procrastination, fear, or whatever other uncomfortable emotion/thought creates anxiety because ?No Decision is the Decision? at this point in the ?Cycle of Distress.?
Another month goes by and the distressed borrowers receive another letter from the bank demanding payment, and around the wheel they go again.
Us: How can people cope?
Sherry: Distressed borrowers fall into two categories.
One: Those who have not made a decision. I would suggest they get information from a trusted source or a foreclosure alternative specialist to begin the process of making a decision. The longer time passes for distressed borrowers who are unable to make their payments, the fewer options are available. Decision making is the best way to start the process of moving forward from the challenging times they will face in the future. Once a decision is made they are able to move to the second type of coping.
Two: Those who are in the process of transitioning out of their home. Some of the things they try to help with coping include not waiting until the last month to pack. Do not fight in front of the children. Instead, take a walk, turn on your favorite show or put your favorite music on. Take time with your family and friends so that you can have the added support you will need. Make some new family traditions that you can take with you to your new home to help with stability.
Some people prefer physical style coping methods like exercise or sports.
Some resume a hobby or craft that they have not done for a while. It is time to explore what will help you cope as you face this challenge.
Us: More than 30,000 homes have been seized in O.C. through foreclosure alone in the past five years. That doesn?t count short sales or deeds surrendered in lieu of foreclosure. How does that impact the county overall?
Sherry: Even though 30,000+ homes have gone through a foreclosure and the neighborhoods, communities, cities and county have been impacted, it is important to remember that each home once had an individual, couple or family unit in it that had to move because of financial problems.
Each home sold or seized has their story of loss of finances and security. The reasons behind the homeowner?s required move is always based on valuation or payment distress, however, each person impacted has emotional distress as well and is impacting our county every day.
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Source: http://lansner.ocregister.com/2011/05/14/emotional-anguish-come-with-loss-of-home/109661/
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